Do not be hesitant! - Part 2

DEEP SLEEP... Suddenly I wake up..... I feel breathless... I feel someone is pushing me into ground... I can feel my heart beat... I shiver..... Gasp....gasp... gasp... look around... mind doesn't let me think...  What's happening to me? What to do? What to do? Am I getting a heart attack? Do I have some problem in my lungs? Then what is this? Should I run to casualty during this mid night? Am I going to die?

Afternoon.... Kids slept. I completed my work. Laid down on sofa watching TV. Slowly eyes closed because of tiredness. Was taking a nap. Suddenly I wake up..... I feel breathless... I feel someone is pushing me into ground... I can feel my heart beat... I shiver..... Gasp....gasp... gasp...

Why am I like this? What if I die? Who will take care of my children? How will they grow up without me?

This is an anxiety/panic attack. Yes, its no doubt an anxiety attack.

"An idle man's brain is a devil's workshop". The anxiety attack is just the replica of the above famous saying. Panic or anxiety attacks hits you when your mind is not involved in any work. It doesn't mean all the people who are not doing any work at a moment have anxiety attacks. People who has already suppressed their mind by not identifying the fears will surely have it.

I ignored the signals and gave chance for my fears to grow into anxiety attacks. Initially I thought it's because of sickness. Later, after all checkups I understood that physically am fine. My fears grew along with me... Everyday only a single thought in my mind. Will I get anxiety attack today also? What to do if I get it? I am disturbing all my family members. What will they think of me?

No one could save me on this earth. No one!! What to do? What to do? It's then.....
I approached Ms.Vandana Vijayan. We both were not in same place. So, the session started through mobile phone. Initially she extracted the series of events that took place in my life, which resulted in insecurity, lack of confidence etc etc. She then addressed all my problems slowly and steadily.

Vandana, made me realize what are my strengths. She brought out one by one slowly. Whenever we approach someone for help, first thing you need to have is "TRUST". Being a psychologist she gave me few tips to handle my anxiety attacks. She instructed me in prior what to do. Me, without any second thought whether it would work or not, I used to follow her instructions. When you completely trust.... a drop of water given to you saying as a "Miracle Medicine" would cure the disease.

She used to give me daily tasks and keep me occupied. It might be a silly task, but by end of the day after I completed it... I used to have a proud feeling... "Yes, I can do anything assigned to me."

Then... addressing my anxiety attacks. She explained me about it. Let me put it in my own words "An anxiety attack is like a headache. It comes and it goes. Do not give priority to it. Just divert your mind."
When I was having attack she suggested me to -
* Sip some cold water
* Write down what am I feeling at that moment
* Wash my face with cold water
* Go outside the gate of my house and have a walk. Observe any 5 things around me. Write about it.

The last one really helped me. It gave me time to observe nature. Small birds. Stray dogs. Blooming flowers. Insects buzzing around me. Cool breeze. Saplings. Flowers turning into fruits. I never thought "What is this? Vandana asks me to go on road and walk here and there. How will this help me?"  At times, when I went out of the gate, some neighbor used to greet me and they used to initiate the conversation. This also diverted my mind.

Vandana gave me the mindset of taking up things easy. "It's Okay" if something doesn't meet my expectation. Everyone need not live life as per my expectation. Also, I should not live life as per others expectations. She made me understand and taught me the art of saying "NO" if I don't like something. Saying NO was my biggest problem which created a mess in my life.

My Sister, my husband and Vandana motivated me a lot to restart my career. They encouraged me to join a course which I thought would be impossible for me. I was skeptical. What if I faint again during my class? Who will take care of me? How to go alone? I used to carry something to munch thinking that I would faint if I don't eat properly. I used to carry Glucose, water bottle. Later, as days passed on I understood these are my fears. Let me confront my fear and  resolve it. So, I stopped carrying too many things with me. Only one small toffee and small water bottle. I realised. I would be fine even without munching something.

I started to be independent again. Cleared the course in distinction. A good job in one of the top most reputed educational institution. Brought back my life on track.

It took 6 to 8 months for me to bounce back to my original character. Approaching Vandana was solely my decision. I never asked anyone "can I go o should I go?" No one will understand the pain I underwent. It might look silly to others. But to me, it was the biggest problem I ever faced in my life. Always, have confidence in the doctor you approached. Probably, my blind trust in following Vandana's silliest to toughest tasks, has brought me out of my anxiety. Do not judge the psychologist. Because they have proven research that these tips would help a person in anxiety.

My fears has taught me to start a disciplined life. Balancing my professional and personal life. Giving importance to my feelings. Always set up a goal which will make you relaize learning is a continuous process.

If I was hesitant... If I never want to agree it was an anxiety attack.... If I always console myself with the support of my family members showing sympathy on me... If I haven't followed Vandana's tips... Imagine.

Now and then, I am seeing people around me suffering with anxiety, depression. But they don't seek help and they suppress their mind instead of controlling.

Love yourself the most. It's not being selfish. It's taking care of yourself.

Do not be hesitant!

When you find nothing interesting....

when you feel low in confidence....

when your mind thinks beyond the reality...

when you don't have any one to share your thoughts.....

UNDERSTAND..... its time to speak to yourself.

I don't generalize the statements above. But most of the people, especially women comes across the above situation. Most of them try to ignore but ignoring just worsens the situation. So, always address your problems. How to address it??? "SPEAK TO YOURSELF." It might sound foolish... But it is the solution. Let me discuss 2 points:

1) Have you ever seen some one in a depressed state? Depressed state need not be a person with dark circles around his/her eyes, not speaking to anyone, unable to make an eye to eye contact etc etc...

Depressed people speaks more. Shows off as if he/she is very happy. Speaks as if they are intellectuals. Boasts about themselves. Who cannot control their emotions.

2) Did you ever see a person with Panic attacks or have you ever experienced it? A person don't understand that they are panicking and its a panic attack. 

Problems in Point no. 1 which are unaddressed will slowly leads to point no. 2. I am not a degree holder in Psychology. However I had enough experience of the above two. Fortuantely, I was able to identify and address my problems with the help of one of my good friend Ms. Vandana Vijayan.

What do first people think when they are in amidst of a problem is... Why me?? Its the common human nature. Why me.... Its because of a series of experiences which you have come across in the past that leaves a long lasting impression on your mind. Let me tell you that the experiences may or may not be aghast. Well, one more reason for "Why me?" can be an unexpected change in lifestyle.

You can ask me now - "What's the reason to write it now?" Because, I see many people around me struggling and trying to convince themselves that they are fine. They hesitate to consult someone. That's the reason am writing this article... to those hesitant people.

For me it all happened because of change in lifestyle, post delivery problems and few experiences which I have never imagined before. Everyone has their own expectations of their future. But when we don't reach expectations..... when reality is different from imagination.... what happens? I started pitying myself. Where as no one else was recognized it. Slowly my self pity turned into lack of self confidence . Then lack of self confidence to a kind of insecurity. It all happened in the duration of an Year. 

At this point of time I did not want to admit myself to my family members. Why? What if they feel if I am psychologically imbalanced? By this time I was lacking confidence and was suffering to stay alone at least for an hour because I felt my body is weak. I am not physically strong. Slowly my dissatisfied levels arose and my face started to show up. I had the disgrace "this is not what I am. I was bold, smart and confident. what happened to me?"

Finally, God blessed me and I had to suddenly travel to some other new place along with my husband. There I had to attend my work and also settle my home life as my husband was continuously busy. This has build up my confidence telling me that I am capable of doing everything single handed. So, the grace of my past came back. But remember - I did not address my problem. I just ignored it.

Then again few years I had a normal life. But again, my problem started peeping back in my life after I became a Mother of 2 children. Again some sort of insecurity problem started haunting me. Then it slowly led to Panic attacks. This time I shared this with my family members. But, somehow I felt no one took it seriously. Again this matter also led to more of insecurity that no one is bothered about me. What about my children? If am deteriorating like this... who will take care of them? Is this really me? Where did I lose myself? This is not me. These were the questions dwelling my mind.

But observe... No where I was asking the question.... "What is making me behave like this??" My near and dear used to give me number of suggestions like.... Do meditation. Go to Yoga. Read books. You should be strong. Blah blah blah..... Yes, I want to stay strong. But how?? I was very much concerned only about my 1.5 year old twins. I tried to keep myself occupied but Panic attacks are something worst that they eat your mind. 

Finally, my husband took me to a psychologist for assessment and that's where "What is making me behave like this??" question was answered. The assessment revealed that - There will be always a trigger point in your mind to have this Panic attack. That trigger is "making me behave like this!!" In my case 1)a small fire accident in my home when I was alone  2)unexpected sickness in my office (where I fainted) has left few ever lasting impressions on my mind. 

However, assessment just identified my problem but wasn't addressed. Now what?? Though I recognized my problem I was unable to find solution for it. With the problem identified I passed 1 more year.

In my next write up I will let you know how Ms. Vandana Vijayan guided me to come out of this problem. How the depression has brought a good change in my life.

Jyothi

A year as a Mother Teacher

Dear readers,

In my previous posts, I have written how I retrospected myself and chose ECCE course to build my new career as a Preschool/Kindergarten Teacher. To be precise its "Mother Teacher" and not simply a Teacher. Because, it is understanding the child and trying to develop a supportive relation with 3 year olds. It requires as much patience as a Mother should have. 

I have been absorbed into one of the reputed educational institutions (Delhi Public School) in Hyderabad and I have been assigned the role of a mother teacher to Nursery class. When you say that you are teaching kindergarten kids, the general expression would be "Oh! Teaching ABC's." Yes! It's not easy. We are dedicating our professional life in helping the most precious resources.

Yes! We help the children to grow into responsible and competent learners... which is not only just teaching ABC. In this post I would give you a Panaromic view of how "A day in the life of Mother teacher" will be.

The day can be shown in....

Arrival time

Circle Time

Activity#1 Time

Snack Time

Play Time

Activity#2 Time

Dance Time

Wrap up Time

Don't ask where is the study time. The learning happens in each and every minute they spend with us. Its like on job learning.

I will give a walk through of each time happens.....

Arrival Time:

If you are a software engineer... you kick start your day at work with freshly brewed coffee, checking your mails, wishing each and every teammate. But when you work as a Preschool Teacher, the first half hour during the arrivals is the most crucial time where you can't even think of drinking water.

When the year commences, yes, most of them come crying. 1 in 100s may come like this to school...

None of your social skills will help you here. Its just the mood of the child.But later, after a month, you can see the same faces in smile lightening up to see you. They come dancing, jumping, singing to the class walking with pride.

It's because of the love, the support and the fun you shower on the learners.

Circle Time:

I start my class with a circle time. I sing rhymes, tell a story, any conversation, a small game etc etc. This is where I grab the attention of learners. But there are few who struggle at circle time. 

Activity Time:

Here comes the most interesting part. Because not all the learners like to do the activity you plan to do. Few will be like....

But...... If you plan your activities in such a way that it would cater the needs of all learners then your activity time would be....

                                     

Learners would love to wait for the activity time. 

You might think why do all doesn't like an activity?? Yes, because every learner has their own style of learning. One likes rhymes, another likes stories. One would prefer hands on activities where as few are lazy enough to move their fingers. So, if I am teaching letter "A", I should teach in all best possible styles that would reach the learner. Again.... if you have passion and personal interest, its not at all tough.

Snack Time:

The toughest time. During the beginning of the academic year...Most of them....

But making them finish the food in a jolly way is my responsibility. Very few will be so enthusiastically waiting for the snack time and they keep talking about the food in their box itself...

Its really very enjoyable to watch them eating.

Play Time:

At any point of time children are so eager to go outside and explore. This is what I observed. The more time you give them to play and explore the more they learn. When the learning is happening through self exploration they need very little guidance in explaining the concept. 

Like... My children learnt about plant life, birds and insects through nature walk. They enjoy watching them and naming their parts through touch.

Dance Time:

Though there is a Dance teacher, preschoolers dance only if the mother teacher dance. Because for them Mother teacher is like ENCYCLOPEDIA. What ever she tells is only the truth. I dance looking at the dance teacher and my children dance by looking at me. Funny right??

Wrap up time:

The best time to know what a child has learnt in a day. When you ask a question... The expression of making big eyes and telling the answer enthusiastically to receive a small sticker from the Mother teacher  is really inexplicable.

But, when it comes to year end and when you see a child who used to cry for hours is now enjoying his/her school time to the maximum gives us satisfaction of doing this tedious job.

Kudos to all the teachers who are grooming the children to make them bright individuals. Every human being is a mentor or teacher to some other person at a particular point of time. Keep mentoring and keep smiling!

Jyothi