When you find nothing interesting....
when you feel low in confidence....
when your mind thinks beyond the reality...
when you don't have any one to share your thoughts.....
UNDERSTAND..... its time to speak to yourself.
I don't generalize the statements above. But most of the people, especially women comes across the above situation. Most of them try to ignore but ignoring just worsens the situation. So, always address your problems. How to address it??? "SPEAK TO YOURSELF." It might sound foolish... But it is the solution. Let me discuss 2 points:
1) Have you ever seen some one in a depressed state? Depressed state need not be a person with dark circles around his/her eyes, not speaking to anyone, unable to make an eye to eye contact etc etc...
Depressed people speaks more. Shows off as if he/she is very happy. Speaks as if they are intellectuals. Boasts about themselves. Who cannot control their emotions.
2) Did you ever see a person with Panic attacks or have you ever experienced it? A person don't understand that they are panicking and its a panic attack.
Problems in Point no. 1 which are unaddressed will slowly leads to point no. 2. I am not a degree holder in Psychology. However I had enough experience of the above two. Fortuantely, I was able to identify and address my problems with the help of one of my good friend Ms. Vandana Vijayan.
What do first people think when they are in amidst of a problem is... Why me?? Its the common human nature. Why me.... Its because of a series of experiences which you have come across in the past that leaves a long lasting impression on your mind. Let me tell you that the experiences may or may not be aghast. Well, one more reason for "Why me?" can be an unexpected change in lifestyle.
You can ask me now - "What's the reason to write it now?" Because, I see many people around me struggling and trying to convince themselves that they are fine. They hesitate to consult someone. That's the reason am writing this article... to those hesitant people.
For me it all happened because of change in lifestyle, post delivery problems and few experiences which I have never imagined before. Everyone has their own expectations of their future. But when we don't reach expectations..... when reality is different from imagination.... what happens? I started pitying myself. Where as no one else was recognized it. Slowly my self pity turned into lack of self confidence . Then lack of self confidence to a kind of insecurity. It all happened in the duration of an Year.
At this point of time I did not want to admit myself to my family members. Why? What if they feel if I am psychologically imbalanced? By this time I was lacking confidence and was suffering to stay alone at least for an hour because I felt my body is weak. I am not physically strong. Slowly my dissatisfied levels arose and my face started to show up. I had the disgrace "this is not what I am. I was bold, smart and confident. what happened to me?"
Finally, God blessed me and I had to suddenly travel to some other new place along with my husband. There I had to attend my work and also settle my home life as my husband was continuously busy. This has build up my confidence telling me that I am capable of doing everything single handed. So, the grace of my past came back. But remember - I did not address my problem. I just ignored it.
Then again few years I had a normal life. But again, my problem started peeping back in my life after I became a Mother of 2 children. Again some sort of insecurity problem started haunting me. Then it slowly led to Panic attacks. This time I shared this with my family members. But, somehow I felt no one took it seriously. Again this matter also led to more of insecurity that no one is bothered about me. What about my children? If am deteriorating like this... who will take care of them? Is this really me? Where did I lose myself? This is not me. These were the questions dwelling my mind.
But observe... No where I was asking the question.... "What is making me behave like this??" My near and dear used to give me number of suggestions like.... Do meditation. Go to Yoga. Read books. You should be strong. Blah blah blah..... Yes, I want to stay strong. But how?? I was very much concerned only about my 1.5 year old twins. I tried to keep myself occupied but Panic attacks are something worst that they eat your mind.
Finally, my husband took me to a psychologist for assessment and that's where "What is making me behave like this??" question was answered. The assessment revealed that - There will be always a trigger point in your mind to have this Panic attack. That trigger is "making me behave like this!!" In my case 1)a small fire accident in my home when I was alone 2)unexpected sickness in my office (where I fainted) has left few ever lasting impressions on my mind.
However, assessment just identified my problem but wasn't addressed. Now what?? Though I recognized my problem I was unable to find solution for it. With the problem identified I passed 1 more year.
In my next write up I will let you know how Ms. Vandana Vijayan guided me to come out of this problem. How the depression has brought a good change in my life.
Jyothi
Jyothi
